Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
high people should be assigned attendants
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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