Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
