Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
