dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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