Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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