whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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