saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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