Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
