I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
