come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
