My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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