Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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