Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
