I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
