check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Swine flu. Run for my life!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it glows. i had to have it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
