How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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