i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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