Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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