i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
