Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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