I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
