This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
