...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
