I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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