i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
