There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
