That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
