tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
