shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
