Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
