Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
