and you said cock pushups were impossible
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
