Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Panties = found
Randomize
