Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
