are you still at the devil's house?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My vagina just recognized that song.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
