Got a toothbrush?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
