Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
