Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
