somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
