how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
