I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
