thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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