there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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