I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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