we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
