I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
