I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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