I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You left your underwear on the fireplace
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
