naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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