God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
