It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
