I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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